Numb
by tml4thecup
Summary: A Linkin Park Songfic. WARNING: THIS STORY CONTAINS SUICIDESUICIDAL THOUGHTS. IF YOU ARE SENSITIVE TO SUCH THEMES, PLZ AVOID THIS STORY


Numb  
  
This is a songfic to LP's Numb. Actually, sum scenes were taken from the Music Video itself. It's my second attempt so say whatever you want. I dun care.  
  
WARNING: THIS FIC CONTAINS SUICIDE/SUICIDAL THOUGHTS. IF YOU ARE SENSITIVE TO THESE THEMES, PLEASE AVOID THIS STORY.  
  
DISCLAIMER: Neither Digimon, nor Linkin Park are mine, so plz don't sue.  
  
A slender, auburn-haired girl of 15 sat in the classroom with a pencil in her hand, doodling on her paper. She was completely oblivious as to what the teacher was saying, or what was going on around her. Her mind was set on the night before as she looked onto her forearm where she engraved the four big letters that spelt NUMB.  
  
"I'm tired of being what you want me to be Feeling so faithless, lost under the surface"  
  
The truth is, she was tired. She was tired of everything that had to do with her life. The constant arguments she would have with her mother about her life and her future were increasing day-by-day to the point where they could never seem to agree on anything. Her school marks rapidly slipped, especially when she had found out that one afternoon, her grandmother, Seiko, had been killed in a car accident. That was when her mother's constant stubborn head butting took a definite upturn, and her confidence and self-esteem literally took a vertical drop. It drove her to the point where she didn't know what her mother was expecting of her, and worse, she didn't know what to expect of herself.  
  
"I don't know what you're expecting of me Put under the pressure of walking in your shoes. (Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow)"  
  
The teacher snaps at Ruki, and she snaps out of her world, and back to reality, to find everyone in the class giggling and snickering at her. "Reality sucks" she thinks to herself. The school bell rings, and as she walks out of the classroom, she fazes back once again to her own world, doing her best to smother the whispers and giggles emitting from the exiting class. "They'll be sorry when they see the truth..." she ponders.  
  
"Every step that I take is another mistake to you (Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow)"  
  
The night before:  
  
Ruki sat on the floor in her dark room, knees drawn up to her chest. A single tear fell from her eye, drizzled down her cheek, and fell to the floor with a small drip sound. Her right hand reached beside her, towards a small pocketknife on the floor. She picked it up, flipped it open, turned her left arm palm-down, and drew the knife to her petite forearm. Ruki closed her eyes and began to think.  
She saw her mom, and heard her voice once again. The words were indistinguishable, but she knew it was the resonance of the blowout that they both just had. In came the face of her grandmother, all battered and bruised, the way she saw her grandmother last as she died right before her eyes. In came the faces of the friends she thought were hers, but laughter and betrayal were written all over their faces, overwhelming her as she tried to clear the vision. Her forearm began to sting as she was brought back to reality.  
  
"I've become so numb, I can't feel you there Become so tired, so much more aware I'm becoming this, all I want to do Is be more like me and be less like you"  
  
Ruki opened her eyes to the darkness of her room; her forearm feeling like it was burning to a lightless fire. She dropped the knife and pressed against her left forearm. She felt the warm trickle of blood, and continued to let it flow, the pain quickly becoming a nuisance just like every aspect of her short life.  
  
Present Day:  
  
As she left the classroom and proceeded down the stairs for lunch, she was bumped by someone all too familiar, and all her books fell out of her bag, sending them sprawling on the floor. On the verge of tears and not bothering to look up to see who it was who tripped her, she once again fazed into her own surreal world, attempting to stifle the crowd that began to gather around her. No one bothered to help her as she rammed the books back into her bag, and ran off, tears swelling in her eyes as she tried desperately not to blink.  
  
"Can't you see that you're smothering me? Holding too tightly, afraid to lose control"  
  
Ruki was walking home, knowing what was waiting for her when she got there, but she planned to avoid it at all costs. Nevertheless, when she got home, her mother was standing right in the doorway.  
"I'd like to speak to you, Ruki" she said. Ruki mustered the coldest glare she could possibly give her. Ruki entered the house, and they both sat at the dinner table.  
"First of all, Ruki" she continued, "I would like to apologize for-"  
Ruki had heard enough. "Mom!" she yelled. "I don't think you get it. You're not sorry because you keep on arguing about the same thing over and over again. Almost every night I have to tell you that I'm not like you. I don't want to be you.  
"I have a right to choose my own path and the only thing standing in the way of that is you!"  
  
"'Coz everything that you want me to be Has fallen apart right in front of you (Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow)"  
  
Ruki awoke the next morning, and reality came crashing back down upon her. She had gone to bed early the night before, because she and her mom had yet another rout about her future. She quickly got dressed, picked up her book bag, and was just about to head for the back door to sneak out when she spotted the pocketknife she used to carve into her arm. "This is the day", she thought.  
  
"Every step that I take is another mistake to you (Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow) And every second I waste is more than I can take"  
  
At lunch, Ruki went into the darkest classroom of her school, and became one with the room as thoughts began to take over her mind as she shifted once again to her dark, surreal world for one last time.  
  
"I've become so numb, I can't feel you there Become so tired, so much more aware I'm becoming this, all I want to do Is be more like me and be less like you"  
  
She managed to find the knife beside her, and flipped it open to reveal the bloodstains she had left there two nights ago. Still in her surreal world, she began to feel the knife as it cut deep into her wrists. There was supposed to be pain, but she felt none. There was supposed to be sorrow, but instead spread relief, as if a burden was suddenly lifted off her shoulders. She felt bliss for the first time in many years, as her vision began to grow faint. She longed to live again, but she knew that she couldn't. This was her world, and she longed to be one with it. She longed to live in it forever. Completely numb to the surrounding world, Ruki Makino collapsed onto the classroom floor, all life taken away from her.  
  
"And I know I may end up failing to But I know, you were just like me with someone disappointed in you"  
  
Ryo, Juri, Takato, Jenrya, HiroKazu, and Kenta heard about the death of their friend Ruki, and all of them grieved and mourned as they sat through the funeral service. A single tear rolled down the face of Ryo Akiyama, as he felt an emptiness inside of him that cannot be filled. It was as if something was ripped and taken away from deep inside him, something that cannot be replaced.  
Juri turned to Ryo, and said quietly, "Why didn't she tell us?"  
"Because," Jenrya replied, "We betrayed her. We turned our back on her when she needed us the most."  
They all continued to sit quietly as the service ended, and Amazing Grace blared from the bagpipes as the casket was slowly lowered to put Ruki Makino at the peace she never found in a life shrouded with darkness.  
  
"I've become so numb, I can't feel you there Become so tired, so much more aware I'm becoming this, all I want to do Is be more like me and be less like you (I've) become so numb, (I can't feel you there) I'm tired of being what you want me to be. I've become so numb, (I can't feel you there) I'm tired of being what you want me to be..."  
  
P.S. IF YOU OR A FRIEND IS FEELING SUICIDAL OR HAS EVEN MENTIONED SUICIDE, JOKE OR NOT, PLZ TALK TO SOMEONE, YOU'LL BE SURPRISED AT HOW MANY PEOPLE ARE WILLING TO HELP YOU/YOUR FRIEND. IF IT IS A FRIEND, TALK TO THEM. IT'S THE BEST THING YOU CAN DO FOR THEM. 


End file.
